TABOO TRUTHS

As most late end baby boomers I listened to  and loved Michael Jackson’s music.  His earlier albums more than his latest but I still liked his sound.  It made you move and want to dance!  Like most of you I was shocked to hear of his passing.  I may not weep in the streets or take flowers to his childhood home, but there was a connection to my young adult years from his music.  Knowing he’s gone brings sadness. 

I struggled with the morality and truth of the decisions he made in his adult life.  I felt betrayed that the memory of what he was to so many was now  tainted.  But I hope his legacy will be about the music more so than the strangeness.  His music was enjoyed by so many and grounds were broken by his stardom.

My daughter Lindsay called to see if I had heard.  In dance classes they both warmed their muscles and enveloped new steps to the sounds of “Beat It”, “Jam”, “Billie Jean” and others.  “Thriller” was used more than once in their dance recitals and usually as the finale dance!  They both enjoyed his music.  Hearing Lindsay stunned learning of his death expresses the depth of his reach and influence. 

I will always remember Michael Jackson as he looked during the Thriller album.  When I think of him….my minds-eye will gaze there!  You will be missed!

Each morning I stand in front of the mirror and wonder “what do I wear today?”  Being a woman in the business world use to mean business suits only…and personally I feel most comfortable in them today.  But what message does my attire send out to a potential client?

I’ve often pondered this question and I realize I’m not unique.  Being in advertising sales industry for so many years I’ve walked into a wide range of diverse businesses.  From tattoo parlors to fine jewelry shops!  Does the clothing I wear effect how a business owner deals with me?  Can wearing a suit give the impression that what I’m selling is to costly or that I can’t relate to the tattoo artist behind the counter?  

I have always felt that suits are a must for me.  I think it’s a mix of wanting to be appreciated as business professional and showing respect for the businesses I call on.  But what if I’m wrong?  As much as your wardrobe is a reflection of your personality is it good business to dress more for others than yourself? 

Working in Michigan it was common place to see my fellow employees wearing suits daily.  Maybe you’d see a dress or something a bit more casual on occasion, but for the most part it was a business suit workplace.  Certainly personalities were reflected even with the business attire.   And there were some who stretched the meaning of “business suit”.  One woman who would sport a suit regularly but her skirt length or lack there-of gave little to the imagination.  My manager would cringe every time she bent down to retrieve a pen from the floor!  (mental image??)  However, it was a business suit!  Utilizing the female allure to sell…a topic for another blog. 

I’ve noticed recently and certainly since my relocation to Charlottesville that business clothing is much less structured.  A local business owner commented when I inquired about my outfit that I will be “out of place” by wearing heels and suits.   I must admit, it seems to be true.  There’s lots of articles on what to wear and what not to wear.  Yet I feel most comfortable the way I dress.  Should I let others influence my choices?  What concerns me most is does my dress have an influence on whether a client does business with me? 

Ok, more questions than answers.  When writing this it comes to mind is this more of a man question than a woman.  I think I have a pulse on what woman think about how to dress or do I?    What do you think? 

In my search for feedback on this subject, I came across 007 breasts website.  Why woman wear bras, the history of the bra, are they comfortable, bras and breast cancer and the myths of this strange garment.  I was to young in the 60′s to have participated in “bra burning”.  Although I’ve never found them to be uncomfortable maybe the article is right?  Maybe I’ve been somewhat brainwashed into believing their necessity?  Maybe it’s oppression of the female sex and I’m helping to facilitate it!?  I can tell you this…I wouldn’t mind burning a few of my high heel shoes!

Picture by Katelyn Vonfeldt

Courtney, Me, Lindsay and Dad at Mt. Vernon

With Father’s Day approaching you begin to reflect on the impact your Dad has had on your life.  Although the Taboo Truths  were partially his hand in creation, I reflect on what my Dad means to me on a daily basis!

I think the frustration we both feel at times is due to our uncanny similarities!  Perfectionism,  need for control, having the last say, inability to concede and most of all…..STUBBORNNESS!  You can almost hear the heavy sound of horns colliding as two ram heads tangle as if to gain the notice of female when my Dad and I begin our dance!  Oh…the heads we butt!  But the opposing side of my Dad is incomparable and has literally molded my life. 

His name is Thomas William Maino, the youngest brother of three.  His father, Carl Maino died of a massive heart attack when my Dad was a mere 18.  He was mentored by his older brother Jack, who died of a massive heart attack in his mid 4o’s.  (Yes, I am doing my aerobics to keep my heart strong!)  The linage of the Maino family is one I’m very proud to be a part of.  My Dad is charged with maintaining the Family Tree…of his own volition.  His hunger to learn more about his family line has taken him and our family to Germany.  We’ve met our distant relatives in Lauterecken and walked on the ground where the first Maino’s lived in that country.  Dad was the primary care giver to our Mom who developed Alzheimer in her late 50′s and passed away 3 years ago.  My Dad has watched one by one while many of his friends and his family pass on to the other side of life.  He is now the “Godfather” of our Michigan Maino family.

All this is to me a small part of who he is.  My Dad, though strict, filled my childhood with love.  He was the life-force to my self esteem.  He pushed me and has ALWAYS been there whenever I needed him.  In times of enormous self doubt and the need to give up, he would pull me…sometimes kicking and screaming to push on.  He is truly responsible for the depth of my being.  My love of travel, my devotion to family, my independence, my self confidence, my athletic abilities, my love of music (I remember our old 8 track tape player with Tijuana Brass playing!), my kinship and love of animals, my drive to work for more, my interest in history, my love of theater….  I could go on and on.  But in the simplest form he was and is the one who enables me to stand upright.  To keep breathing and continue this life walk. 

My Dad has done so much to help me since my divorce and more so, my relocation.  From maintaining my house that’s still for sale in Michigan to welcoming me with no hestitation to reside with him when I’m home.  He makes trips to the airport when needed and is the rock when my girls call for help.  My new life in Virginia has produced so little positives and so much disappointment.  And without knowing the details he faithfully feeds me strength.   “Be strong my girl” he said as his comforting, familiar, strong arms envelope me.  He doesn’t say I love you at the end of every conversation…but when he does the words crash my dehydrated soul and I am no longer thirsty.   I strive daily to earn respect and admiration from him.

The bond I feel with my Dad goes beyond the typical father/daughter relationship.  It isn’t because he helps me when I need him and is there, always!  It isn’t because I am in awe and admiration for the challenges in his life handled with grace and devotion.  It isn’t because I have his smile and his mothers nose.  Simply because so much of who he is I want to emulate and when I look at him…I’m home!  I love you beyond words my Dad.  Happy Fathers Day!

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