I was probably around 13 years old.  My older sister and I were getting ready for school with the normal regimen.  What was also part of the normal régime were my parents arguing…this morning was no exception.  They were fighting about something I had done…which was also fit the norm.  I was the black sheep of my four siblings that is until my younger brother came of age!  I avoided doing chores, pushed curfews and procrastinated on work in general.  I don’t remember what the catalyst for this particular fight was, but it was most certainly about me.  My mother was the everyday disciplinarian and used physical punishment.  When she became so frustrated with handling her own anger she would force my Dad into the situation.  My Dad was my advocate.  Why?  I’ve never been very sure.  His opinion was my Mom was hard on me.  Almost always!  The debate was on…

For Catherine???

Dad pro

Mom con

As I sat on our rocking chair putting my shoes on to get out of the house my Mother stormed into the dining room, pointed at my face and said “if your Father and I ever get a divorce, it will be because of you!”

I have been spanked, slapped and even disciplined with a belt throughout my childhood.  It was the way those of us bringing up the rear for baby boomers were commonly disciplined.   However, I can tell you that one comment hurt me more than the physical control, combined!  The weight of my family was heaved upon my little teenage shoulders.  I can’t imagine a more damaging thing to say to your child.

I too have felt the boiling of anger and frustration as a woman and mother.  I too have erupted with a comment or a word to my daughters and once it was said I wanted nothing more than to physically wrap my hands around them pulling them back!  But discovered a miracle reversal….saying you’re sorry to your children!  By apologizing it taught my daughters that I was fallible and allowed me to relieve the pressure of being perfect.  Redirecting my anger came later but a simple “I’m sorry” was a definite building block!  TT #6

I can’t begin to collect my thoughts about this subject matter.  A young mother giving her 8 year old daughter Botox injections to further her “pageant” desires.  Any mother who has any affection for their children would find this story appalling and disgraceful.  Lying or not, true or false….a bad parent is a bad parent.  I impressed a sentiment to my daughters for several years;  you need a license to shoot a duck, to cut someones hair, to practice law, to catch a fish and in Memphis you cannot panhandle without a license!!  In Massachusetts you need a license to tell fortunes!  But ANYONE can procreate!

As a rule, I hate bring attention to a story that brings that “15 minutes of fame” to an individual who is less than deserving of the media crazy…I have no problem showcasing this mother’s interview!  Look, watch, think…is procreation a right or responsibility?

ABC NEWS!

I’ve written about the pieces of relationship I have feared losing as my daughters progress into adulthood.  One of the revelations I’ve had is when one element is lost, another one is discovered.  An example is the joy of going to an “R” rated movie and not feeling the need to shield their eyes!  We went downtown to see Bridesmaids Sunday.  If you’ve ever seen the movie The Hangover (Which is “wet yourself” kind of funny!  See it!) this movie is a lighter version of the male counterpart.  The opening scene, sex hits you right in the forehead!  The principle character is engaged with a man who is, according to his reference, her “fuck buddy”.  They change positions, legs wildly flailing, fast, slow….  All done in the context which makes you either place your hand over your mouth as to muffle the intense laughter or to lean forward over the chair in front of you while your belly laugh invades that person space!  Now, my youngest daughter who is on the road to be a screen writer is doing the later.  My oldest and myself respond replicating the first action.   Sitting there experiencing this was a moment of joy!  Watching a sex scene with my daughters…wow!

The movie has several scenes that are very funny.  Probably one of the funniest is when Krisin Wiig who plays Anne the maid of honor and the girls decide to take the bride to Las Vegas for her bachelorette party.  She’s afraid to fly, is given something to relax her by the rival bridesmaid and all hell breaks loose!  Extremely funny.  However if you’re expecting the movie to bring the same intensity to urinate like The Hangover….you’ll be a bit disappointed.  It was a pretty good movie but it plays with intense swings of normality and in your face sex!  The Hangover gives you a consistent feeling of “what the hell is happening next!?”  In the Bridesmaids, the Paris bridal shower scene certainly reflected how climactic woman try to make their weddings with over abundance!  (A mini Eiffel Tower?  A full size chocolate fountain?  I’ve not be privy to these things but you know they happen!)  My girls laughed, were shocked and we walked out discussing the funny scenes.  It sparked the memories of my own experiences which the girls showed interest.

I have in my lifetime been a bridesmaid.  Four times if I remember correctly.  A couple of my friends and both my sisters were the brides.  I thought after investing in each dress that I would do some simple alterations and wear the dresses again.  The taffeta periwinkle blue and the satin embossed fuchsia pink…just wasn’t in the cards unless I was planning to appear in another rousing stage performance of Guys and Dolls!  The other two were black!  Not bad.  They definitely had potential for a repeat performance.  But it was not to be.  Trying to resurrect a dated piece of clothing never really works.  I’ve often thought “if I’d only kept those plaid skinny pants now that they’re back in style!” but really?  You can’t even put them in the category of vintage.  They just look old.  There are some smart woman who create events that allow our taffeta, satin, netting and velvet to be resurrected!  Recently Cville had a Charlottesville Mom’s Prom!  A chance to break out our old dresses and have some fun!  Great idea and I plan to attend next year!

Well, the evolving experiences gained with my girls is great fun.  The movie was worth seeing and the conversations it sparked deepen each level of our every changing relationship.  If you have a group of ladies who are planning to view Bridesmaids….pull out that old dress and where it to the theater!  What the hell, you put good money into it!  Now, where did I put that one black velvet and white dress?