TABOO TRUTHS

It is an oddity that the human mind gravitates to all moments except the here and now.  We seem to always be thinking ahead or in the past.  It takes mental discipline and rehearsal to train our brains.  ”Remain in today, not tomorrow.”

When age is mentioned in a conversation my response has been to say “I’m almost 50″.  Most certainly for the past 6 months at least.  Let the record show that I am 48.  Maybe my psyche is somehow preparing my grey matter for the change?  Since many of my friends and acquaintances are 50+ maybe I feel more of a fellowship?  Maybe I just want people to think I look damn good for “almost 50″?  Whatever the reason, the number has become less of an abyss.  Maybe the final purpose is to hammer into my reality that Debbie my older sister is on the doorstep of this life change.

Debra, aka: Debbie….  My sister and I are only 18 months apart in age.  In our youth the age difference seemed a wide canyon.  Today it feels as though we’ve walked side by side forever.  Debbie and I share so much of life’s journey with commonality.  We shared a bedroom most of our childhood and teens.  We were in high school together as fellow Titans.  She was the first one who told me what french kissing was…and explained the process.  We both played instruments in the marching band.  I sought her counsel when I became sexually active desiring birth control pills.  We shared music, clothes, driving lessons, secret parties that weren’t so secret, friends and only once….a boyfriend.  Once uncovered, we both quickly kicked that guy to the curb!  Though moments in our past may have impressed segregation, I always felt her presence….knew she was always there.  Today she turns 50.  So to my sister and friend, a few thoughts.

You have been such a force in my life.  I don’t know if you truly comprehend the impact you’ve had.  My sister, my mentor, my confidant, my healer, my doctor, my comforter, my straight-jacket, my true friend and yes at times, my Mom  I’ve looked up to you since I could focus my young eyes.  There have been times we’ve crawled through some rocky landscapes to find our way back to one another.  In that, our bond is ever stronger.  On this most auspicious occasion, I want you know what a difference you’ve made in my life.  How truly valuable our relationship is to me.  And the depth of love I have for you.  You have always been there for me and in turn, for my girls.  Make this day one of peace and enjoyment.  You are one of my stable rocks on which I build my life daily.

Happy Birthday Debra (Maino) Bradley! For 50 is only a number. One I have been so blessed to share with you…as we venture the next 50 side by side!

Do you remember the first time you saw me?  

I don’t remember the very first time I actually saw you but I remember the first moment I felt an attraction to you.  You were conducting a sub-meeting and interjecting  your enthusiasm to inspire the group.  My first thought was “what an absolute goof”!  But there was something sweet and whimsical about your approach.  I thought….I wondered… were you untethered?  Your blond locks, the way your eyes squint and your lips curl when you smile.  The slight imperfection of your teeth and the softness of your hazel eyes.  I felt a tingle.

The human “intersection” is an emotional flicker of flint sparking the flame which marries fire to wax…illuminating space.  Does it shed a glowing, mystical light on the pulse of desire or a flashlight focusing on what is to come?  Why does it take years to know?

What draws two people together? Is the attraction only on a physical level or something more?  Whatever the roadways are that merge  two soul together driving them to intersect, we cannot resist.  If only the directional signs along the way would truly tell what the coming miles will bring.  Does this highway sound familiar to you?

The recent topic of conversations is about a new study titled  The Mere Anticipation of an Interaction with a Woman Can Impair Men’s Cognitive Performance. The study basically states that a mans basic communication or “intelligence” becomes compromised when interacting with an attractive woman.  Even when presented through digital means!  The study purposely addressed the reaction of men, even when they knew there was no physical interaction.  The result, men’s cognitive interactions were not at their best.

These studies are, in my opinion, an opportunity to open conversations.  Most studies of this nature have an extremely limited number of individuals in subject group and take place in a distant location like…the Netherlands!  But I do enjoy listening to the banter justifying whether the findings of such a study are true or even relevant.  You get the hyper male personas who discuss the primal aspects of the male brain for species survival.  Then on the radical opposite end you get the table banging feminist who find the study a joke, lumping all men into a single persona and using our “wilds” for unjust reasons.  Personally, I wouldn’t argue with either direction.

My experience?  When interacting with a man digitally the conversation can be drastically different if he has been exposed to my image.  I think communication between men and woman is definitely effected if each is aware of the others attractiveness.  Without this information my interactions are no different than with anyone I may encounter.  I communicate with men on a daily basis through business.  Before meeting me or seeing my image the conversations are what I would categorize as normal.  But then again…I’m a woman!  Meaning there may be small nuances that escape my notice.  To be completely honest, I doubt it!  I’m a woman beyond the age of 40 and having had my fair share of interactions with men through most communication means…I can definite “pick up” when the conversation takes a turn. I suppose ignorance is possible.

So here’s the real question I’d like to ask.  If this study has a thread of truth and as a woman you agree with the prospect of altering a man’s cognitive performance…have you ever used this to your advantage?

Related articles

• Experimental evidence that men are stupider when they’re around women (3quarksdaily.com)
• Why Interacting With a Woman Can Leave Men “Cognitively Impaired” (scientificamerican.com)
• Straight men get dumber just thinking women are nearby: study (theglobeandmail.com)