TABOO TRUTHS

This week will be filled with crazy fun!  My oldest daughter Lindsay turns 21 on Thursday (at 7:18pm to be exact).  My girls and I have been planning the celebration of their 21 year on earth for quite some time.  It was decided that the 3 of us would spend Lindsays’ Birthday in Las Vegas!  So on Wednesday morning….EARLY we are on a flight to the sin city!

When it comes to my girls I am weighted with sentimental emotions and filled with so much love it leaks out most often through tears.  I have decided that my focus during this trip is one of pure fun and creating memories that will forever make us smile.  But for now, give me my moment of reflection…

I can see pictures in my mind of minutes, days and years of Lindsay’s journey through this world.  From the unruly hair she had as a baby, to her first ballet class on to her “green and gold” high school memories.  Far too much to write in one blog.  My reflection will be what she has taught me.

To be witness of the women my girls are becoming is nothing short of miraculous to me.  These beautiful beings came through me and as a young mother I believed as most that it was my job to show them the ways of this earth.  How naive we are…we as parents ARE the students.

Lindsay has taught me the power of saying “I’m sorry”, the importance of traditions, the absolute of trust, the ability to let go yet still be connected and the pure joy of being in the presence of someone you love.  Her vintage soul keeps her tied to the things that she loves and keeps her feet securely on the ground.  Yet there is that breeze of whimsy and chance that shows if your watching. 

Her essence is one of slow to change and unwavering loyalty.  Though we have had our moments as Mothers and Daughters do, she is tirelessly willing to listen and discuss.  She has called me out on issues that were deserved and forgiven me at times that may not have been deserved.  She, like Courtney are my true meaning for breathing oxygen.  I can say with a full heart that I am lucky enough to call her my friend…one of two I cannot live without.  I’ve said to others as a parent you are prepared to love your children, what you don’t expect is to fall in-love with them!  Lindsay has trusted me with secrets and invoke my advice as I never would have my own mother.  And now she has chosen to spend her 21st birthday….a day that is normally consumed by friends and parties with her sister and I.  My girls take my breath away!

If any of you know this creature, Lindsay Catherine Guynn…consider yourself blessed!  For it may not be easy to earn her trust and friendship but the benefits of her being in your life will far out weigh any challenges. 

Me? I do not take her friendship and love lightly.  I will continue to earn her trust and respect…continue to listen and talk…continue to love and count my blessings.  For I as her mother have the unbelievable opportunity to be witness to her step by step experiencing the hardships and joys of this life.  The very happiest of birthdays my Sweetpea!  I love you without limits.  Can’t wait for this week!

Courtney, Me, Lindsay and Dad at Mt. Vernon

With Father’s Day approaching you begin to reflect on the impact your Dad has had on your life.  Although the Taboo Truths  were partially his hand in creation, I reflect on what my Dad means to me on a daily basis!

I think the frustration we both feel at times is due to our uncanny similarities!  Perfectionism,  need for control, having the last say, inability to concede and most of all…..STUBBORNNESS!  You can almost hear the heavy sound of horns colliding as two ram heads tangle as if to gain the notice of female when my Dad and I begin our dance!  Oh…the heads we butt!  But the opposing side of my Dad is incomparable and has literally molded my life. 

His name is Thomas William Maino, the youngest brother of three.  His father, Carl Maino died of a massive heart attack when my Dad was a mere 18.  He was mentored by his older brother Jack, who died of a massive heart attack in his mid 4o’s.  (Yes, I am doing my aerobics to keep my heart strong!)  The linage of the Maino family is one I’m very proud to be a part of.  My Dad is charged with maintaining the Family Tree…of his own volition.  His hunger to learn more about his family line has taken him and our family to Germany.  We’ve met our distant relatives in Lauterecken and walked on the ground where the first Maino’s lived in that country.  Dad was the primary care giver to our Mom who developed Alzheimer in her late 50′s and passed away 3 years ago.  My Dad has watched one by one while many of his friends and his family pass on to the other side of life.  He is now the “Godfather” of our Michigan Maino family.

All this is to me a small part of who he is.  My Dad, though strict, filled my childhood with love.  He was the life-force to my self esteem.  He pushed me and has ALWAYS been there whenever I needed him.  In times of enormous self doubt and the need to give up, he would pull me…sometimes kicking and screaming to push on.  He is truly responsible for the depth of my being.  My love of travel, my devotion to family, my independence, my self confidence, my athletic abilities, my love of music (I remember our old 8 track tape player with Tijuana Brass playing!), my kinship and love of animals, my drive to work for more, my interest in history, my love of theater….  I could go on and on.  But in the simplest form he was and is the one who enables me to stand upright.  To keep breathing and continue this life walk. 

My Dad has done so much to help me since my divorce and more so, my relocation.  From maintaining my house that’s still for sale in Michigan to welcoming me with no hestitation to reside with him when I’m home.  He makes trips to the airport when needed and is the rock when my girls call for help.  My new life in Virginia has produced so little positives and so much disappointment.  And without knowing the details he faithfully feeds me strength.   “Be strong my girl” he said as his comforting, familiar, strong arms envelope me.  He doesn’t say I love you at the end of every conversation…but when he does the words crash my dehydrated soul and I am no longer thirsty.   I strive daily to earn respect and admiration from him.

The bond I feel with my Dad goes beyond the typical father/daughter relationship.  It isn’t because he helps me when I need him and is there, always!  It isn’t because I am in awe and admiration for the challenges in his life handled with grace and devotion.  It isn’t because I have his smile and his mothers nose.  Simply because so much of who he is I want to emulate and when I look at him…I’m home!  I love you beyond words my Dad.  Happy Fathers Day!

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Our daughters attended private schools.  It was an expense we had to work for but in my opinion it was one of merit.  While making dinner one evening Lindsay walked into the kitchen, she was in the 4^th grade.  Very timidly she approached me and said “Mom, the teacher said you need to sign this”.  It was a math test that displayed a large red “D” at the top.

 Her first bad grade.  Holding the paper I began barraging her with the reasons a D was not acceptable….”your father and I are paying for you to attend this school….you are capable of much more than this….dad and I have jobs to provide for this family, your job is work and this grade doesn’t show you are applying yourself…”   I handled the situation as my parents would have but I slowly began to notice her head was dropping.  I stopped!  What was I doing!!? 

As her face was pointed to the floor in shame I said “Sweetpea, it doesn’t matter how many D’s you bring home…I will always love you!”  Without looking up at me she threw her arms around me crying.  What a learning moment for me!  Children relate so much of what we do to our depth of love for them.  As parents we know in our souls that our love for our children is like breathing!  It’s a constant.  For our children; their actions, what we say, their choices, how we handle challenges all effect how much we love them.

 I learned that day that words are powerful and can drastically change the essence of my daughters reality.  Another Taboo Truth!