What are the Taboo Truths?
I have been told by many family members and friends that the relationship I have with my girls is….different. Somehow special in the respect that was shared, the love of time spent together, the guidance I provided and the complete comfort of both my girls to share any and all life experiences with me. This raised my curiosity…surely there are other Mothers out there who parent the same way?
My decision to share my experiences as a Mother of two young women evolved when I began doing some research. I searched for information, expertise insights…. anything pertaining to the topic of teenage girls and mothers. What I found was a bit disturbing. To begin most everything I found was focused on addressing the tormented relationship between Mothers and Daughters! Pertaining to the challenges and life altering issues that tore the relationship apart. Nothing about how to build a strong, close bond. To follow, a good majority of what I found was provided by individuals most certainly educated and in the field of psychology…but who were often not mothers themselves??? There seemed to be a lack of information on how obtain our mothering skills and a total lack of information on this core relationship relative to daughters who are young adults. It was mostly related to either rearing a toddler, eating disorders, promiscuous behavior or dealing with the adult relationship.
Now I’m not saying that all this information doesn’t fill a need!
And I’m not saying that I have wisdom that abounds over these experts.
What I am saying is that there are many things I’ve learned as a mother. As helpful as books on parenting can be, being an actual mother lends itself to a world of knowledge that can’t be learned being a childless psychologist.
There are things about being a Mother that are universal. And I am the first to admit there is nothing special about me. I’m not a trained child psychologist nor have I read every book on the proper techniques of raising a child. To augment (or detract) from my position are the examples I had for parenting. They were far from enlightening. I believe my parents did the best they could and in all…I turned out fine. However observing and being a recipient of the “parenting” direction my parents implemented gave me some insight. What did I want to apply as a mother and more importantly, what I didn’t! As I am making my way through motherhood I have reflected on the “what” and “why” my parents did the things they did. More so, I noticed that many parents around me adapted the same teaching as my parents. Things that seemed clear to me were strange to others. Hence I chose to simply share what I know.
So…what do I know?
To start I’ve never raised a boy! I don’t pretend to know anything about how boys think, play, work or act. I have two nephews that are wonderful but total enigmas to me. So, if you are reading this blog for guidance specific to your son…some experiences I’ve had may be helpful or the elements you seek may be found nowhere in these pages. In addition, I have bore only two children. I am one of four siblings, with a plethora of cousins and can give perspective from that direction but I don’t pretend to know about certain aspects of multiple children. I have however raised two daughters! Currently the ages of 19 and 22. I am also divorced. Ten years to be exact. So in a real sense this is yet another journey for me to share my experience as a single mother of two daughters. It is a simple record of my thoughts and applied direction that I feel made a life altering difference with our relationship.
Put simply, I hope that my thoughts and experience raising two girls will find it’s way to you who might be in the same life cycle or about to be! I hope that by examining what makes Lindsay, Courtney and I different might end up helping you recognize some things you have learned from your mother (and possibly your mothers mother) are things you just don’t do!
I believe these to be the Taboo Truths.